A little long winded emo post

After many years of MIA, I am finally back with a breaking heart. Just feel like pouring out all my feeling here.

A quick update on what has happened, I got dumped on Valentine's Day. However, I did manage to persuade him to stay. Everyone know there is no point to beg a person to stay when they have already don't love you anymore. I know all my actions are so silly, but just to show how much I felt for him. We get back together for almost two weeks and he decided to talk about it again. Hence, at this time I know I am literally at the loosing end and I let him go.

Not knowing the actual reason, not that he didn't explain. But I find that the reason he gave wasn't strong enough for a guy to change his heart in just 5 days of being apart with each others. Hope you guys never judge him from here. I am not here to blame or what, but just to jot down everything I appreciated, learnt and wish to bring with me in my entire live.

Story began five years ago. I was so bored that time and facebook was the new trend back then. The only thing I do back aside from work is facebooking. One day I came over this guy who I think he is cute, adorable and of course handsome. I added him and we started to talk a little. Day by day passed, and I realized how good to have him as my friend. Everyday, I looking forward to finish my work and go home just to chat with him. Eventually we sparked and we then get together.

The first few months were terrible. We were far apart from each other and I get so insecure that we argue almost every other day. After his much persuasion, I decided to give in and move to a city which I know nothing just to continue my study (the main point) and also to be nearer with him. At that time, I know I really make a big move which I have maybe hurt or worried my parents. Only to think that I can spend more time with him, it makes me felt slightly better.

We got so attached together and at that point of time I believe in our future. I can see we live happily ever after, but all this is only one sided. More arguments occur and I started to not believe. But to my surprise with all this he only started to believe that we have our future. After knowing that he does care about our future, I rebuild my trust for him, clear all the hurtful experience we encounter and most of all he moved in to my rented place to stay with me after he graduated. Of course, is nearer to his workplace and we can save some 'moolah' by doing so.

Along the way, there are many hitches and happiness. Time passes so fast that I became so rely on him, my only closest friend, my brother, my father, my teacher and of course my lovely boyfriend. I guess I being too depending on him that he gets really tired.

On 2011, my dad decided to buy a house for us in this huge city. I know his action is to show how much he cares for me and I know too, he doesn't want me to stay in this huge city forever. His wish to me is to get back to stay by my family. But to what I know, I am here working towards our very own family with this guy. I am here not that I don't miss my hometown, my friends back there and all my caring family members.

We moved into the new place and live goes one. We get so close with each other family and friends. I guess the friends part is only me being too attached to him so he bring me out every time he goes out with his friend. The only bit that I am not close with in his life is his colleagues. I know none of them and I guess they do not even know my existence.

Finally I am graduated and stepped into the society, I learned a lot at my work place. It changes me to a better me, a little better me from time to time. I no longer so 'princessie', I started to understand what he always tell me 'not everything are black and white in this world, grey is the color that stand in most of the case'.

Today is only the 4th day we are apart and I miss him like crazy. Just like now, I get awake and missed him so badly. I called him, which I know I am not suppose to, just to hear his voice. I know I gave him a big shocked to call in the 'wee' hour. Get scolded and all but I still love him. The only question I have now is, how should I stop crying when my heart is still so painful and hurtful. I tried so hard to cut him of from my heart, just to my realized, his root have grown so deep inside which I didn't manage to cut them out. Memories remain, pain will always be there.

I know you are not reading this, baby, but I just want to tell you that I really do loves you. Sorry for being a not considerate girlfriend back then (which you mentioned), and a not considerate ex girlfriend now. Here with my sincere heart, I apologize for everything. Once again, I love you.